So often men gather and all you see are cars!!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Why come to the Men's Get Together and the Men's Engagement Network: One mans story

Here is a story from one of our men.

" Why I became involved with M.E.N.

Having piked when asked this question at the 1st Friday night BBQ, I have decided instead to write my answer as I am a far better writer than speaker.

Unlike all of the attendees who I heard, I was urged to join M.E.N. by my psychologist and strongly supported by my wife. Like a significant number of the men I too suffer from depression. Unlike most of them I knew I was depressed and asked my GP to refer me for counselling. This is not because I am smarter than those other men, simply that I have had more experience with mental illness and psychologists. My wife has also been a sufferer and I have twice attended counselling sessions previously.

The first time I was referred by my employer, the SA Housing trust, to a counsellor who specialises in Reike ( a special treatment that involves voice and body movements). It did very little for me but I kept my job at the time.

The second time was at the request of my wife who felt I lacked an understanding of abuse in our family. I saw a counsellor specialising in this area. My wife was not saying I was abusive, simply that I needed to have a better understanding of the impact of the abuse that children from her previous marriages had suffered. I have no children but she has four (and now grandchildren) so this was a very useful experience; and also made me examine my own childhood.

One of my own triggers for depression was a strong sense of failure in my paid working life. I was sacked from my first job in England and subsequent others including my first job in Australia. I was never promoted in any job and struggled to please my employers. I lasted 9 years in the SA Housing Trust but was ultimately forced to take a redundancy package.

To be continued:

A Personal Reflection

A couple of days ago my daughter texted me. Her 14 week old baby's heart was not beating. She was on her way to hospital and clearly would not carry this child through to term. She and her husband are devastated.... and so am I.

I got the text at work. I felt dizzy and sick and sad. I couldn't speak and was doing my best not to cry. Someone at work noticed my state and came up to me, asked me what was wrong. That was enough to start my tears. This women, a work colleague hugged me until I stopped.I know and am happy for the support and nurturing to be directed to the young family. But we need to acknowledge that boys, men and grandfathers all grieve and sometimes need a hug too. Crying helps

Men's Health Week


Yes....we even have a Men's Health Week in Oz. Men's health week is all about men being healthy and well. This years Men's Health Week is about our environments and their role on our health. In fact this year they are running an environMENt campaign. There are some pretty good resources available and if anyone is interested in doing something for Mens's health week this year (June 11 - 17) let me know. Hopefully we can work together do something that everyone in our community will be talking about.

In the meantime go to http://menshealthweek.org.au/En/Default.aspx to check out their website
Have you ever visited the Andrology Australia website? If you haven't I strongly recommend it. It is specifically for mens health and has great and easy to read information. Go and and have a look. Below is their new blurb.

New website for 'what every man needs to know'
Andrology Australia has launched its revamped website atwww.andrologyaustralia.org. The aim of the redesign was to keep the functionality of the original website, but to make it easier for health professionals and consumers to access a range of education and health promotion resources on male reproductive health and associated conditions. The new website provides greater interactivity with the addition of videos, and allows users to easily share the content via social media and email. We welcome any feedback on the new site, so please emailinfo@andrologyaustralia.org if you have any comments or suggestions. Also, just a reminder that if you have any links to our website from your own, please check they are correct or contact us to get the new link.

Men are survivors of DV as well

I recently recieved an email

Dear Lud

For the concerned friends and family of men experiencing domestic abuse and violence by their female partners, your phone calls and emails have prompted me to organise a couple of information nights.



Are you concerned about your son, brother or mate being mistreated by his partner?






  • What's stopping him doing something about it or getting out of it?
  • How can you best help him or support him?
  • He's walking on eggshells, she controls his every move, how can he safely do something about it?

Have all your questions answered and gain some tips at the up coming information nights


Now we do know that by far the majority of victims in domestic violence situations are women; and that by far the majority of perpetrators of DV are men. BUT....... that does not mean that we should silence THOSE MEN that are victims themselves victims in DV situations. Men in these situations often feel shame, weak and that they won't be believed.

While the above information sessions are being held in Victoria: Stay tuned as I research this matter more fully. In the meantime if you know a man that is in a relationship violence situation please pass on my contact details.

4th Men's Get Together

What a fantastic night this was. Thirteen men from all walks of life just being together for company, support and of course food from the BBQ. ( Particular thanks to Nigel for wearing the inaugural Men's BBQ apron).

I believe there is a perception in our community that men WON'T open up and WON'T talk about personal issues for them. Well.... often all it takes is the right 'space' and for one person to start the conversation, to give permission, to show how they feel and then MANY OF US open up as well. Last Friday night was one of these great occaisions. The energy in the room was high, lots of talks and some hiliarious moments. ( I guess you get these funny moments when men talk about life, love and erections). Really no matter what words are said; the conversations comes around to "what is it to be a man"? It's something many of us struggle with. How do we define ourselves as MEN.

Well..... I define ALL the people that showed up last Friday night as GOOD MEN: and as far as I am concerened. Thats enough.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

3rd Men's Get Together


This night was another good gathering of men. Eight of us from around the Fleurieu got together and had discussions ranging from the health care system, same sex attraction and even solving Australia's water problem. So many men from so many different backgrounds.

I must aplogise to the users of the Gospel centre however. I put all the left over BBQ scraps in a plastic bag to take home to the chooks. Guess what??? I forgot to take them and 5 days later they were rank!!. Smelled out the whole place apparently. Oh well.... I'll never do that again I hope. Apologies all round.